grief and death

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Letting Go With Love: the Grieving Process

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"The second edition of this gentle, useful guide to grief brims with insight."

"Psychologist O’Connor knows her stuff. She served as the director of Tucson, Arizona’s Grief and Loss Center, and she experienced bereavement herself when her infant daughter died. She opens with a discussion of the ways that death in America has changed in the last century. Whereas people once died at home, now most Americans die in institutions—nursing homes, hospitals—and death is no longer integrated into our daily life. Because our culture generally denies death, we are ill-prepared to deal with mourning. O’Connor seeks to nor- malize grief, insisting that "mourning is not a disease." Despite the American ideal of “moving on” as soon as possible, people should allow sufficient time for the grieving process. The author balances the universal and the particular, first sketching the stages of grief, then turning to the nuances of particular bereavements, examining the way losing a spouse in old age differs from losing a friend at age 30. O’Connor also treats special situations, such as suicide and miscarriage — women’s feelings of grief after a miscarriage, O’Connor astutely observes, may be complicated by a sense of failure. She even treats murders, noting that "healing cannot really begin until the trial and sentencing are concluded." The most bracing chapter deals with "death of self," in which O’Connor addresses not the friends and family of dying people, but dying people themselves. She explores the dying person’s own grief and examines how they may experience a combination of denial, hope and acceptance. Equally important is O’Connor’s frank discussion of caregiving. The book is marred only by the conclusion, an uncharacteristically Hallmark-like list of "my final words of wisdom," including "laugh often," "love with all your heart" and "give back." An invaluable resource for the grieving process."

--- Kirkus Reviews, June 2007

"This book is absolutely essential for people to read. It should be a text book in every school, a MUST READ for every person before they graduate high school and a MUST READ for every teacher before she enters a classroom. And for the general public it should be in every drugstore and supermarket so people have a guidebook when they try to deal with the facts of life. "

--- Doneva N. Shepard "Doneva"

"You have helped so many people with your book. You have changed their lives. Nancy, God bless you! You have done unimanigable GOOD for people. You don't realize that you are a VERY VERY IMPORTANT person to so many people. You have helped and changed their lives with your wonderful book. Thank you for all you have done for my people and myself."

--- Teresita Tinajero, Director Instito de Tanatology, Mexico City D. F. Mexico

"In 1992 my husband passed away after a 9 month battle with cancer. The local Hospice gave me "Letting Go With Love". I read and re-read and carried the book everywhere with me to help me through some very bad times. Over the past 10 years I have given 21 of the books away (including my own original) and I beleive every person that looses someone close to them should be given this book as it may help get through the grieving process. Another person does not understand know until they have to go experience it. Many of the people that I have given the book to have said the same thing, how much it helped them. I continue buying this book to give to friends who have lost a loved ones."


"Soon after my wife died, at the young age of 31, my sister-in-law gave me this audio cassette. She said a friend recommended it to her. What a comfort it was listening to Dr. O'Connor's voice. She spoke directly to me in my grieving process; it was so helpful to understand the different stages after 1 month, 6 months, etc. I passed the tape along to family to help them understand. My wife died 9 years ago. I know the wisdom of Dr. O'Connor helped me move forward in my life (with therapy also), going through, not around, the grieving process."

--- T Connelly

"Healing after the death of my wife...
Your book has been abosulely inspirational, comforting and helpful as I deal with the loss of my best friend, partner, lover and wife of 30 years, Pat. Pat left us after a year battle with colan cancer. I came across your book at a local support group. I am certain that your book has helped and affected so many lives. Thank you for what you do!"

--- anonymous

"You have my endorsement. It is a good book on grief and very easily readable.”

--- Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

"Letting Go With Love is the most comprehensive guide written on dealing with grief. It is sensitively personal for every reader."

--- Phoenix Magazine

"Letting Go With Love: The Grieving Process” is a sensitive, curative resource for the bereft and terminally ill."

--- Booklist

"Letting Go With Love is an important book in the field. It includes an insightful, readable description of the grieving process. It is a perceptive account of the issues of grief by an author who has experienced grief more than once and who has worked with many grieving people. The grief process is poignantly described and responses to loss are discussed with references to situational variation. Dr. O’Connor’s observations and examples are interesting and helpful to the reader who may be in grief. Grief is seen as a normal response to loss. This is a sensitive discerning treatise which will be appreciated by the griever and by its offering of hypothesis to the researcher."

--- Saul Toobert Ph.D., Professor emeritus University of Oregon, Co-facilitator of Confrontations with Death