grief and death



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TABLE OF CONTENTS


Introduction..............................................vii



1. When Someone Dies........................................1

    The Depersonalization of Dying..........................1

    Denying our Emotions....................................6

    Steps in Saying Goodbye.................................8

    Children Need to Mourn.................................10

    Putting Affairs in Order...............................10

    Offering Comfort.......................................11

    Understanding Your Own Grief...........................12



2. Stages of Grief.........................................13



    Stage I:



        Breaking Old Habits................................15

        Habits and Patterns................................16

        The Deceased's Presence............................17

        Go Easy on Yourself................................19



    Stage II:



        Beginning to Reconstruct Your. Life................19

        Working on Your Recovery...........................20

        Special Times......................................24

        Rediscovering Yourself.............................25



    Stage III:



        Seeking New Love Objects or Friends................26

        Renewed Health.....................................27

        Friends............................................27



    Stage IV:



        Readjustment Completed.............................28



3. Feelings of Grief.......................................30



    Denial.................................................32

    Anger..................................................33

    Bargaining.............................................35

    Depression.............................................36

    Guilt..................................................37

    Interrelationship of Body, Mind, and Emotions..........38

    Acceptance.............................................39

    Growing, Renewal.......................................40



4. Death of a Spouse.......................................41



    The Time Frame.........................................43

    Protect Yourself.......................................43

    Others in Your Life....................................46

    Set New Goals for Yourself.............................50

    New Abilities..........................................51

    Letting Go ............................................52

    New Friendships........................................54

    Dating.................................................55

    Sexuality..............................................56

    Remarriage.............................................57

    After the Second Year..................................59



5. Death of Parents........................................60



    Lingering Dependency on Parents........................61

    Clearing Up Old Business...............................65

    After a Parent Dies....................................72

    Afterwards.............................................74

    Grandchildren..........................................75



6. Death of Children.......................................79



    Death of a Child Through Illness.......................80

    Death of a Child by Accident...........................84

    The Family.............................................86

    Other Children Suffer Too..............................90



7. Death Before or After Birth.............................95



    Miscarriages...........................................95

    Stillbirth and SIDS....................................97

    Abortion...............................................98

    Adoption..............................................100



8. Death of Friends and Siblings..........................109



    Death of Friends......................................104

    Death of Lovers.......................................106

    Death of Siblings.....................................109

    Death of Other - National Figures, Folk Heroes........110



9. Death of Self: The Dying Process.......................114



    Denial and Hope.......................................116

    Self-Awareness........................................120

    Age at Death..........................................122

    Other Fears: How You Die..............................127

    Final Decisions.......................................127



10. Death by Suicide......................................131



    Guilt and Regrets.....................................133

    Survival Techniques...................................140

    When the Suicidee is a Spouse.........................143

    When the Suicidee is a Parent.........................146

    When the Suicidee is a Child..........................148

    The Mystery of Suicide................................150

    The Living Will.......................................155



11. Your Coping Style.....................................156



    Life Crises...........................................157

    Adjustment to Change..................................159

    Conservation..........................................159

    Revolution............................................160

    Escape................................................161

    Learn to Be a Survivor................................163

    Another Response......................................163

    Transcendence.........................................164

    Learning to Transcend.................................165

    Avoid Stressful Overload..............................166



12. Handling Loss.........................................169



    Degree of Emotional Bond..............................171

    Type of Loss..........................................173

    Personality and Previous Losses.......................174

    Timing and Prior Knowledge............................176

    Choosing Life.........................................177



Appendix A................................................182



    Suggestions on Communicating Appropriately with Survivors



Appendix B................................................186



    Resources and Organizations



    Relative Positions of Loss to Self....................168